Johan about divorce, to have a close relationship with his child during life's most hectic years.
Johan Lindeberg has, among other things, been International Marketing Director for Diesel, created successful brands such as J. Lindeberg and BLK DNM and worked as a photographer based in New York. And now Johan is developing a new brand called JAY3LLE.
Together with his ex-wife Marcella, he has a daughter, Blue, with whom he has a very close father-daughter relationship. We have met Johan in his house outside Torekov and talked about being a father and how to maintain a close relationship with your child after the divorce while at the same time building successful companies, that is, during the absolute busiest years of life.
"It's all about bringing out the uniqueness in each individual. I think parents are generally too bad at that".
The most important thing for Johan Lindeberg was the relationship with his daughter Blue.
Hi johan! How are you today?
Today I am happy. Really from the inside. I have found my platform to be able to express myself, something I have been looking for for a long time. When it feels natural, it feels good.
If one follows you on Instagram, it is not difficult to see that you have a very close relationship with your daughter Blue, would you like to tell us a little about it?
We have always had a very close relationship. I have always been very involved as a father. Her mother needed to sleep at night when she arrived, but I was always awake. I always drove her to school, and we talked a lot about life thoughts and ideas. I have always been very open with her, and that has allowed her to be as well. Then you can always think about how open you can be with your child.
How do you mean?
Many people wonder how I influenced her and how she is today, and of course I have. However, I found a way where I could be personal and open without too much of my anxiety being on her. For example, I was always afraid of flying in the past, but when we flew together, I was always strong with her. I think I tried to navigate that balance of how open you can be with still being the adult. But the bottom line is that we have always been open and honest when she was growing up.
"That's what we talked about - be yourself and be committed, but that doesn't mean you should take all the attention. It's not natural confidence to take all the space all the time. She is perceived as very humble and I am happy about that. After all, I've always been told that I'm not perceived as humble."
And during the teenage years and now that she is an adult, does the openness follow?
Yes, now today when she now says she doesn't take drugs, I know she doesn't. We have the relationship that she says it, it's honest. Since then, we have traveled a lot together, both when she was little and now that she is an adult, which has brought us incredibly close. She was with me in Nepal when I photographed for a foundation a week after the catastrophic earthquake there. It was an intense experience that brought us even closer together. We have driven from Paris to Dakar together. An incredible journey that really brought us closer. She learned a lot there too, from human rights to psychology.
If you compare it to your own upbringing, how do you think Blue's upbringing was?
When I grew up in Lund, a lot was about changing the world. I wanted to give that to Blue as well. She has, after all, grown up in a style office. Blue has learned a lot from spending time with different characters and people from my teams which have always been very mixed. It's a lot of New York, and she's very New York. It is a freer upbringing.
However, I got the openness from my parents, and Lund was also a very open environment. Lund is in a way like a small mini New York where there are mixed environments and people.
How do you think this openness has affected her?
She says herself that I always said go in and express yourself. I always felt inhibited in that when I was a child. Like I was walking around roleplaying. I had great parents and family, but they didn't understand my anxiety. I have thought about that a lot. I think it's the difference between who you want to be and who you are. If I could be myself, I probably wouldn't have had anxiety. I often had pain in my body because I just felt that I didn't fit in. I had an eating disorder when I was 5-6 years old, I couldn't eat in established environments. I still have problems with that, white cloths and all that.
Blue has always been involved in everything - trips, parties, work. She has never taken all the attention in the room. I have a little difficulty when children come and take all the attention and attention all the time. That's what we talked about - be yourself and be engaged, but that doesn't mean you should take all the attention. It's not natural confidence to take all the space all the time. She is perceived as very humble and I am happy about that. I've always been told that I'm not perceived as humble.
"Blue has always been very mature and open. I've had to work more on being myself, but she's much more herself naturally. She is always herself. There she is a huge inspiration! She makes me so damn happy, because she has such incredible energy!”
Teaching your children to be themselves and express themselves is not always so easy, how have you thought about it?
I tried to put her in different sports, but... People put so much pressure on their children, especially people who are very good at something themselves put super high demands on their children. I guess it was mostly mothers in New York that I interacted with, I guess I was a bit unique who went there with Blue as a father. I've always felt that that elite mentality is stupid. I didn't go to an elite school, but it still went well.
Now she is looking for different schools, and she does so on her own initiative, she could have done what she wanted, but she goes her own way. She has grown up in fashion, but is anti-fashion. I don't know if it's a protest, but I choose to see it as her finding her own aesthetic and choosing her own path.
I've never tried to put pressure, but that's what you do as a parent regardless. Blue says like come on, you have that by just existing. I have always paid attention to strong women who take their place and have drive, and I have asked them if it is pressure. She can partially agree with that.
Did your relationship change after the separation from Blue's mother?
We separated when she was nine years old. After the separation we became even closer. Marcella initiated the separation, which I understand as I was just working all the time. She needed to get away, so Blue and I rented a house in Montauk and lived in a surf community. It was a very intense period for us where we got even closer to each other. It was a lot of her and me, and the time there laid the foundation for our life together.
What was the biggest challenge for you going from a nuclear family to being a single dad?
I was pretty damn heartbroken myself, and I really didn't want to take that out on Blue. The first thing she said was that she thought it was her fault that it ended. I'm a sensitive person so I really had to step up and try to be steady for her. I think it was a big save that I found BLK DNM as a project and Montauk around the same time. I had decided to start a new brand and be the best dad ever. It was a good period from something that was so very difficult. Blue's childhood friends are from that period. She got a second family from our community up there. She had to grow up in a collective instead, and something beautiful came out of a super tricky situation. In any case, it was the best period of my life. It also almost became a little difficult for her mother that we became so close. Me and Blue also became friends there. Now I don't know how much of a father I am anymore, but we are very cruel friends.
How is your friendship expressed?
I'm friends with her friends, we're all out together. It creates a closeness. We have been to fashion week all over the world. In our relationship there is no categorization as there might be in Sweden. I've never divided it into now it's adulthood, now it's childhood. You should be able to be a child in an adult room, I think. In New York, no one thinks about age. In Sweden, everything is very age-categorized, I've tried to eliminate that in our relationship.
I have difficulty talking to children with a disguised voice. But that's what we like in Sweden, role-playing games. I generally think that it is difficult to be relaxed in Sweden.
"In Sweden, everything is very age-categorized, I've tried to eliminate that in our relationship. I have difficulty talking to children with a disguised voice. But that's what we like in Sweden, role-playing games. I generally think that it is difficult to be relaxed in Sweden.”
How do you want to talk about emotions with your daughter?
We have had a podcast together and talked a lot about different things. When it comes to feelings, we are very open. She has always been so wise. When I went through a heartbreak a few years ago, it was Blue who gave advice. She has always been very mature and open. I've had to work more on being myself, but she's much more herself naturally. She is always herself. There she is a huge inspiration!
She makes me so damn happy, because she has such incredible energy! She has never ever complained about a single thing. I've complained all my life, but not her. Most people her age complain all the time, but not her. She is more balanced. She fixes things herself. I've never helped her with homework or anything, she's worked it out.
She simply has a power, charisma and presence.
On the card "Me" from emotion cards 1- "Me in me" is the question "Which feeling would you like to share more of?" How would you answer?
When I feel that I am really connected with my intuition. That drive that comes from within is so special for some reason. It's a creative energy, I'd like to share most of it. With it, I can create environments together with others where we in turn create new environments. When I am myself, that feeling can come out. It takes courage, because people are too cowardly. Blue has it- guts!
What would you like to bring to the Bonki parents?
It's all about getting children to be themselves as much as possible. You have to get this inner power out, you have to encourage it and trigger the uniqueness that is within you. If you get the power to get really clean, you don't need so many rules. It will be a much calmer and cleaner person. It's all about bringing out the uniqueness in each individual. I think parents are generally too bad at that.
More about Johan Lindeberg, Blue Lindeberg and Jay3lle can be found here:
https://www.instagram.com/bluelindeberg/?hl=en
https://www.instagram.com/johanlindeberg/?hl=en
