Johan about divorce, having a close relationship with his child during the hectic years of his life.
Johan Lindeberg has been International Marketing Manager for Diesel, created successful brands such as J. Lindeberg and BLK DNM and worked as a photographer based in New York. And now Johan is developing a new brand called JAY3LLE.
Together with his ex-wife Marcella, he has a daughter, Blue, with whom he has a very close father-daughter relationship. We met Johan at his house outside Torekov and talked about being a father and how to maintain a close relationship with your child after divorce while simultaneously building successful companies, that is, during the most hectic years of your life.
"It's all about bringing out the uniqueness in each individual. I think parents are generally too bad at that."
The most important thing for Johan Lindeberg was his relationship with his daughter Blue.
Hi Johan! How are you today?
Today I am happy. Truly from the inside. I have found my platform to express myself, something I have been searching for for a long time. When it feels natural, it feels good.
If you follow you on Instagram, it's not hard to see that you have a very close relationship with your daughter Blue, would you like to tell us a little about it?
We have always had a very close relationship. I have always been very involved as a father. Her mother needed to sleep at night when she came, but I was always awake. I always drove her to school, and we talked a lot about life, thoughts and ideas. I have always been very open with her, and that has meant that she can be too. Then you can always think about how open you can be with your child.
What do you mean then?
Many people wonder how I influenced her and how she is today, and of course I have. However, I found a way where I could be personal and open without too much of my anxiety being on her. For example, I was always afraid of flying in the past, but when we flew together, I was always strong with her. I think I tried to navigate that balance of how open you can be with still being the adult. But the bottom line is that we have always been open and honest when she was growing up.
"That's what we've talked about - be yourself and be engaged, but that doesn't mean you should take all the attention. It's not natural self-confidence to take all the space all the time. She is perceived as very humble and I'm happy about that. I've always been told that I'm not perceived as humble."
And during her teenage years and now that she's an adult, does openness come into play?
Yes, now today when she says she doesn't take drugs, I know she doesn't. We have that relationship that she says it's honest. Then we have traveled a lot together, both when she was little and now that she's an adult, which has brought us incredibly close. She was with me in Nepal when I was photographing for a foundation a week after the catastrophic earthquake there. It was an intense experience that brought us even closer together. We have driven from Paris to Dakar together. An incredible journey that really brought us closer. She learned a lot there too, from human rights to psychology.
If you compare it to your own upbringing, what do you think Blue's upbringing has been like?
When I grew up in Lund, it was a lot about changing the world. I wanted to give that to Blue too. She has grown up in a style office to a large extent. Blue has learned a lot from hanging out with different characters and people from my teams, who have always been very mixed. It's very New York, and she's very New York. It's a freer upbringing.
However, I got my openness from my parents, and Lund was also a very open environment. Lund is in a way like a small mini New York where there are mixed environments and people.
How do you think this openness has affected her?
She herself says that I always said go in and express yourself. I always felt inhibited about that when I was a child. Like I was walking around playing role-playing games. I had really nice parents and family, but they didn't understand my anxiety. I've thought about that a lot. I think that's the difference between who you want to be and who you are. If I could have been myself, I probably wouldn't have had anxiety. I often had pain in my body because I just felt like I didn't fit in. I had an eating disorder when I was 5-6 years old, I couldn't eat in established environments. I still have problems with that, white tablecloths and all that.
Blue has always been involved in everything - trips, parties, work. She has never taken all the attention in the room. I have a bit of a hard time when children come and take all the attention and attention all the time. We have talked about that - be yourself and be involved but that doesn't mean you should take all the attention. It is not natural self-confidence to take all the space all the time. She is perceived as very humble and I am happy for that. I have always been told that I am not perceived as humble.
"Blue has always been very mature and open. I've had to work more on being myself, but she's much more herself naturally. She's always herself. She's a huge inspiration in that regard!" She makes me so damn happy, because she has such incredible energy!”
Teaching your children to be themselves and express themselves is not always easy, how have you thought about it?
I tried to put her in different sports, but… People put so much pressure on their kids, especially people who are really good at something, they put super high demands on their kids. It was mostly moms in New York that I interacted with, I was a bit unique going there with Blue as a dad. I've always felt that that elite mentality is stupid. I didn't go to an elite school, but I did well anyway.
Now she is applying to different schools, and she is doing it on her own initiative, she could have done whatever she wanted, but she is going her own way. She has grown up in fashion, but is anti-fashion. I don't know if it is a protest, but I choose to see it as her having found her own aesthetic and chosen her own path.
I've never tried to put pressure, but you do that as a parent regardless. Blue says, come on, you get that just by existing. I've always noticed strong women who take their place and have drive, and I've asked if that's pressure. She can partly agree with that.
Did your relationship change after the separation from Blue's mother?
We separated when she was nine. After the separation, we became even closer. Marcella took the initiative to separate, which I understand since I was just working all the time. She needed to get away, so Blue and I rented a house in Montauk and lived in a surf community. It was a very intense period for us where we became even closer. It was a lot of her and me, and the time there laid the foundation for our life together.
What was the biggest challenge for you going from a nuclear family to being a single father?
I was really heartbroken myself, and I really didn't want to take that out on Blue. The first thing she said was that she thought it was her fault that it ended. I'm a sensitive person so I really had to toughen up and try to be steady for her. I think it was a big saving grace that I found BLK DNM as a project and Montauk around the same time. I had decided to start a new brand and become the best dad ever. It was a good period from something that was so incredibly difficult. Blue's childhood friends are from that period. She got a second family from our community up there. She had to grow up in a collective instead and something beautiful came out of a super tricky situation. In any case, it was the best period of my life. It was also almost a bit hard for her mother that we became so close. Blue and I also became friends there. Now I don't know how much of a dad I am anymore, but we are very awesome friends.
How is your friendship expressed?
I'm friends with her friends, we all go out together. It creates a closeness. We've been to fashion weeks all over the world. In our relationship there's no categorization like there might be in Sweden. I've never divided it into now being an adult, now being a child. I think you should be able to be a child in an adult room. In New York, no one thinks about age. In Sweden, everything is very age-categorized, I've tried to work that out in our relationship.
I have a hard time talking to children in a fake voice. But in Sweden we like role-playing. I think it's generally hard to be relaxed in Sweden.
“In Sweden, everything is very age-categorized, I've tried to work that out in our relationship. I have a hard time talking to children in a fake voice. But in Sweden we like role-playing. I think it's generally hard to be relaxed in Sweden.”
How do you want to talk about feelings with your daughter?
We've had a podcast together and talked a lot about different things. When it comes to feelings, we're very open. She's always been so wise. When I went through a heartbreak a few years ago, it was Blue who gave me advice. She's always been very mature and open. I've had to work more on being myself, but she's much more herself naturally. She's always herself. She's a huge inspiration there!
She makes me so damn happy, because she has such incredible energy! She has never ever complained about a single thing. I have complained my whole life, but not her. Most people her age complain all the time, but not her. She is more balanced. She fixes things herself. I have never helped her with homework or anything, she has solved it.
She simply has power, charisma and presence.
On the card "I" from Emotion Cards 1- ”Me in me ” is the question “What feeling would you like to share more of?” How would you answer?
When I feel like I'm really connected to my intention. That driving force that comes from within is so special for some reason. It's a creative energy, that's what I would like to share the most. With it, I can create environments together with others where we in turn create new environments. When I'm myself, that feeling can come out. It takes courage, because people are too cowardly. Blue has it - guts!
What would you like to give to the Bonki parents?
It's all about getting the children to be themselves as much as possible. You have to get this inner power out, you have to encourage it and trigger the uniqueness that is within you. If you get the power to become really pure, you don't need so many rules. They will become a much calmer and purer person. It's all about bringing out the uniqueness in each individual. I think parents are generally too bad at that.
More about Johan Lindeberg, Blue Lindeberg and Jay3lle can be found here:
https://www.instagram.com/bluelindeberg/?hl=en
https://www.instagram.com/johanlindeberg/?hl=en
