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Confirmation needs in children

Confirmation is a basic human need and it is crucial to our well -being and our self -esteem. But what happens when the need for confirmation in children becomes destructive?

At a time when likes, comments and shares have become everyday, confirmation can be talked about in a different way than before. Instead of being encouragement and support, it can sometimes become a pressing hunt for admiration. For teenagers, this may have a strong impact on self -esteem and self -perception.

Children seeking confirmation

Everyone needs confirmation and feel seen, valuable and loved. But when it becomes an unrealistic and constant pursuit of external confirmation, it can lead to negative consequences. For example, it can create a sense of inadequacy, low self -esteem and a constant fear of being rejected or disliked. It can also contribute to uncertainty about one's own identity and a feeling of having to adapt to be accepted.

"Children seeking confirmation tell us something"

As a parent, it is important to be aware of how we communicate with our children and how we give confirmation. It is quite a bit about giving praise and encouragement for performance, but more about confirming the children's value as individuals. Creating a safe and permissive environment where children can be themselves without fear of rejection or criticism is crucial to their well -being.

A healthy view of confirmation is about focusing on authentic and meaningful communication based on genuine emotions and togetherness. Teaching children to be aware of their own feelings and expressing them in a constructive way is an important part of promoting their mental health and independence.

"Destructive" confirmation may be linked to our need to fit into society and belong to a social group. As humans, we are social beings and we often strive to be accepted and appreciated by our surroundings. When we feel that our confirmation comes with conditions or that it is based on external factors such as appearance or performance, it can lead to behaviors such as comparing yourself, feeling envy and trying to adapt to be approved.

Children and social media - confirmation needs

Another interesting aspect is to reflect on how confirmation may be seen in a different way in the past. Before social media existed, confirmation was more located to the nearest environment such as family, friends and teachers. There were not the same opportunities to constantly be confirmed by a large audience. It may be worth reflecting on how this affects today's kids and their self -image. Research has shown that there is a strong link between the use of social media and the perceived lack of confirmation. When we constantly compare ourselves with others and measure our own value based on the number of likes or followers, we risk getting into a negative spiral of confirmation seekers. It is important to be aware of the influence of social media and to teach children to handle it in a healthy way. (Not a simple task).

Likes and followers become numbers that can quickly give a sense of temporary happiness or dissatisfaction. This can create an addictive bicycle where young people are looking for more and more confirmation to fill the void. An important part of dealing with destructive confirmation is to promote a strong self -esteem in young people. By helping them identify and evaluate their own internal qualities and strengths, regardless of external assessments, we can help build their resilience.

By teaching children to be aware of their own feelings, expressing them and being empathetic towards others, we can create a basis for healthy relationships and communication. It is about showing children that they are loved and valuable to who they are, not for performance or external attributes.

        "We adults have to think about how we give confirmation"

It is important to be aware of our own behavior and what kind of confirmation we give as adults. If we talk about praise, it may be important to focus on effort, process and personal qualities rather than just results and performance. Confirmation is a fundamental part of our well -being, but it is also important to be aware of when it becomes destructive. By creating an awareness of how confirmation affects us and our children, we can work towards avoiding destructive behaviors.

The little child needs confirmation. Confirmation that they are loved just as they are. This, of course, continues through life - without any confirmation at all, life will not be good. Today we have tools to give a lot of confirmation very quickly, or vice versa - not get any confirmation at all in a "sea" where it feels like everyone else gets it. Of course, this is not very healthy, but at the same time it is something we may at least have to accept. In my head, our task as adults becomes even bigger than before - our enemy is stronger. The forces that say "you are not enough" scream higher. The vital confirmation that children are loved just as they are and that they have a value that is above all performance and superficialities in the world may be even more important today? Maybe we need to be even more aware of how we act?


Of course, much comes naturally - love is not difficult to give. But devoting a thought or two to the countless times today, the children today are told that they are not enough not hurt.

Talk to the kids about this. Confirm them and lift them and do not ignore that they are exposed to something you and I probably were not exposed to as small. That storm we adults must be the protection in, I think. If it is tough to get to these conversations, to find the entrance or make it natural, I can highly recommend our emotional cards. You will find the cards here.