How does it work to be self-employed and on maternity leave?
Elena Ekström is an entrepreneur, CEO and founder of the bag company Bukvy, which she has run since 2015. She lives in Stockholm and has daughters Edda and Bon with her partner Mattias. For us, Elena is the image of an entrepreneur, and we wonder (perhaps for ourselves) how it has worked to become self-employed during maternity leave, to be a female entrepreneur and at the same time to incorporate routines into everyday life for her children. In short, how does one pull it together?
"I think parenthood balances out entrepreneurial life in a nice way, time with the children is non-negotiable. If one of the children needs me, it doesn't matter if I'm "very busy". Then I can solve it later and maybe get up at 4 in the morning. "
First of all, how are you today? Can you handle the fact that summer is over and that it is absolutely not hot in Stockholm anymore?
I feel great and am completely happy that the summer is over. Autumn is my favorite time and I long to work with Bukvy and have routines. That's me!
You started Bukvy together with your bestie Joanna, became female entrepreneurs while having a total of four children. Can you tell us about what it was like?
We started Bukvy, or the planning for what would become Bukvy, just before Joanna became pregnant with her first child. We drank wine on her balcony and drew, sewed and tested ourselves. In connection with her parental leave and thanks to her incredibly calm, harmonious baby, we had time to think freely and get an outlet for her creative energy in the Bukvy project. It was nothing we planned, neither children nor business, but it happened! I got pregnant myself at the beginning of her maternity leave. After all, we had "regular jobs" alongside Bukvy during the first years, so when Joanna started working again, I could take over during my maternity leave.
It sounds like very good timing, but Bukvy wasn't planned to be a project during maternity leave?
No, absolutely not, Bukvy was our hobby! But it was perfect because then we had developed the first Bukvy product during Joanna's parental leave, so I could run the business side during my maternity leave. I was also lucky enough to have a very harmonious baby, so I still got many hours of Belly View time when my boyfriend was at work. Sometimes I said I did cozy mom things when I was actually sitting with Bukvy because I understood that it sounded unhealthy to have worked away another sunny spring day.
But of course it had a price. I didn't meet other mums, go on lovely pram walks or go to the mum SATS. But it was driven by desire for me with Bukvy. I didn't see it as a sacrifice, but I can see now that I probably had a different start in my journey as a mother if I had been on maternity leave for real. But I know who I am, I became obsessed and then I can't stop before I'm done. That's still the case. And I'm still not done with Bukvy!
"The first parental leave I didn't learn much, I just drove. The second parental leave was a bit of an awakening. Then I learned that it is not possible to get all the parts of life together at the same time. I can't see friends regularly, have kids, a relationship, work out several times a week AND run a growing business. It was new to me. I have had to reevaluate my view of achievement and what counts as success.”
Now you have two children, how are things today?
I think parenthood balances out entrepreneurial life in a nice way, time with the children is non-negotiable. If one of the children needs me, it doesn't matter if I'm "very busy" with Bukvy. Then I can solve it later and maybe get up at 4 in the morning.
In terms of time, it doesn't add up. But I have the family with me in this and it is necessary for it to be pleasant. My boyfriend and I separated a few years ago but then we chose each other again and since then I've had less of a guilty conscience, which is nice. He knows exactly what he got himself into that time, so to speak haha...
What's the biggest thing you've learned from being self-employed and on maternity leave?
The first parental leave I didn't learn much, I just drove. The second parental leave was a bit of an awakening. Then I learned that it is not possible to get all the parts of life together at the same time. I can't see friends regularly, have kids, a relationship, work out several times a week AND run a growing business. It was new to me. I have had to re-evaluate my view of achievement and what counts as success.
Joanna and I had an emotionally difficult Bukvy event in New York a few years ago. It was a revelation about the fact that it is not possible to deliver all the time. Sometimes you just have to show up. The event wasn't really a disaster, but we had different expectations for ourselves.
I've learned to accept that all parts of life don't add up which means it won't be perfect. But some things cannot be renounced, and that includes the children. All around, I have to give up, but I think it's worth it. I redo the choice every day!
You can't sit and think so much about how to do it so that it will be perfect with the children.
Running the company Bukvy is like a constantly moving puzzle. Even more with children in the mix. How do you manage everyday life?
Unfortunately, I don't have the answer, I can't get it together! With reduced requirements, I get a lot together. Then I am fortunate to live with a supportive and present person who is really on the Bukvy journey. My guy is a super dad and is also lucky enough to have a job with irregular working hours and many weekends. He can take care of a lot on a daily basis, and I take more on the weekends. We do puzzles. It would have been very difficult if he had a 9-17 job. Then it would have been a different question and you would definitely have gotten a different answer.
Bukvy is my lifestyle and the children's too, it's a family lifestyle. I include them in what I do. When we tinker, I might tinker with drawings or file product texts for Bukvy. Then we sit and tinker with Bukvy prototypes together. Edda and Bon are so resourceful and meticulous when they make bags! But sometimes they want me to have a real job and be more free.
"I personally think that when you express your feelings, they disappear, which is why we talk a lot. Ingmar Bergman said something like "demons don't like fresh air". It's so true! They do not like either fresh air or company. So then I try to do that with the children, that they get to vent their demons.”
When a lot is happening at the same time, and no two days are the same, what about routines for the children?
In my dream world, we have such good routines for the children. But unfortunately we don't have that. For example, I now plan wonderful everyday routines for autumn, but then we are incredibly bad at keeping them. But now we have just found out that one of the children possibly need routines. So we may have to get better at that, to actually keep the routines we set up.
How do you hope your entrepreneurship with Bukvy affects your daughters?
If you take the positive, they really get to see me live my dream. I'm living my best life. They see that I take risks and dare to bet, fail and brush off, succeed - everything that entrepreneurship entails. We sit and tinker with things that they can then hold in their hands as a finished Bukvy product. I hope it shows them that their thoughts and dreams are important and that everyone has the power to make them happen.
My parents were also self-employed, which has meant that I don't think it's strange. Maybe I don't know how to be a mother any other way? I grew up with my mom at work, so history repeats itself I guess. We lived in my mother's business travel, when things went well we took the nicest taxi and when things didn't go well it was also noticed, so to speak.
What is most difficult about the entrepreneurial life style and being a mother?
It's that it doesn't add up. You are inadequate on all levels. It may be a general feeling for many, but it is still quite clear.
Would you have been more adequate at a normal job then?
Yes, I actually think so, because then I would have gone home and had a holiday. Abdominal view occupies me completely. I have always liked my jobs and liked working, but I got by in a different way as an employee. It also indicates that there were healthy hires, of course!
However, I haven't had an outlet for all my pages in the same way as I do now with Bukvy. I like numbers, web, marketing but also beauty, aesthetics and lifestyle. How luxurious isn't that?! That I get to build this brand with my whole being. It's so fulfilling and exciting, it's more important than being sufficient, I think. Hopefully the kids and my man will agree.
How do you talk to your kids about emotions?
We talk a lot about feelings, and incidentally use your cards as well. The kids really like it. Maybe I don't talk that much myself, about my feelings, I should get better at that. However, I ask a lot of questions. We talk a lot about how things have been and feel, whether they wish it had been in a different way and, if so, how. If something didn't feel right at school or at preschool, for example.
This has led to me getting an incredible amount of information now! For better or worse. I'm a lot more chicken-headed than I thought I'd be as a mom. I probably get worried quite easily.
What do you worry about when you say you are "chicken"?
That they should feel bad, that they should feel alone with their feelings. I personally think that when you express your feelings, they disappear, which is why we talk a lot. Ingmar Bergman said something like "demons don't like fresh air". It's so true! They do not like either fresh air or company. So then I try to do that with the children, that they get to vent their demons.
On the card "Me" from emotion cards 1- "Me in me" is the question "Which feeling would you like to share more of?" How would you answer?
Courage maybe. I do not strive for harmony or perfection, rather for development and surprises. I want to share the feeling of daring to take a chance, do your best and risk failure. I do that every day with Bukvy. Sometimes you even succeed! I often get to share in other people's dreams, but I almost never see them try. In the "book of one's life", which no one else should read, it becomes a much more interesting journey.
What would you like to bring to the Bonki parents?
Perhaps to meet their children just as they are. I want to get to know them without injecting my own fears and dreams – they are their own. I think Kahlil Gibran's words about the relationship between child and parent are so beautiful! Type that the children are not ours, they have their own thoughts and souls and they come from Life's longing for itself. I liked Johan Lindeberg's answer. It was very nice!
Bukvy can be found via e-commerce on Bukvy's website www.bukvybag.com. The fine forum for bag -loving abdominal views can be found on Facebook, where there is talk of abdominal view, durability and how to take care of your bag. The forum also serves as purchases and sells to give Bukvy a longer life. https://www.facebook.com/groups/bukvyfriend
Want to know more about Elena?
BukVy's Homepage
BukVy's Instagram
Check Out His Article To Learn More About Her and Her Passion Project Bukvy.
BukVy's LinkedIn
