Of course, there is a lot you do in your parenting that kind of "just happens". For completely natural reasons, of course - we can't be 100% active in every part of life. I think about things like screen time, sweets only on Saturdays, time for laying, etc. Often (and sometimes rarely..) it goes well (as planned), other times it just does. I think that's good! Showing the children that "rules" must be slavishly followed is probably not a good lesson in itself - it is at least as important to show that rules can be rewritten if necessary, rules may need to be changed and that we humans are flexible and can make our own decisions.
Then there are those slightly bigger things..which it is probably good to regularly talk to yourself and others about. Where it doesn't necessarily "work out" just us adults have good values and good intentions. Where active choices (perhaps daily) need to be made.
There are of course many examples of what should not be left to chance.
One thing I have thought about (as a mother of girls..) is what parents and adults of boys actively do to help the boys grow up to be wise, stable men.
Because no matter how we twist and turn it, around 90% of all violent crimes and murders are committed by men and most women who are murdered (or victimized) are by a man they have or have had a relationship with. The "boys will be boys" mentality is still so accepted today that few raise an eyebrow when a boy leads the line at the slide or takes over a game in the school yard.
But the tolerance for the "naughty" creates room for the same attitude later in life - when it is no longer a game.
I really don't have any answers and of course children should be allowed to fool around! Childhood is for mischief! How do we let them do it with the awareness that the schoolyard will be replaced by a workplace? The slightly boyish boundless friend relationship as a child is replaced with a love relationship with (possibly) a woman..?
I think active choices are required. Not just faith that if you have a decent family situation, it will be fine. Not many parents think the idea straight: "boys should take up more space than girls".
But is that what we convey..?
I teach my girls to say stop when someone is ahead of the line. I teach them that their place is as obvious as a boy's. What do you teach your children? What are you talking about?
