Semester, bråk i familjen – hjälp!

Holidays, trouble in the family - help!

High expectations easily contribute to disappointment, do we recognize it? At the same time, those about ten weeks are sacred to many. The summer is short. And your vacation is probably even shorter. Of course we want to maximize! It doesn't even have to mean expensive travel and well -planned excursions. But we see like some kind of harmonious brilliance when we see those holy summer days in front of us - the children scrap around and kind of collect stones, play with insects and catch a crab. When that harmony does not appear at all and trouble in the family (help) occurs, it easily becomes a crash in us. After all, they wouldn't sit with a screen around the clock?! We actually decided!

"They wouldn't sit with a screen around the clock?! We actually decided it!"

Resolve conflicts in the family


The above scenario is just one of an incredible number of similar ones that pave the way for the notorious holiday conflicts. The desire for, for example, divorce does not infrequently come during long holidays.

Is that what happens, what becomes a crash? Expectations that don't match reality?

Then the next wonder is (at least for me): Should I have no expectations at all then? Putting the bar so low that absolutely nothing is disappointing and that I even manage to give the children food on the days a triumph? How fun does it sound? We must be able to dream a little, plan that summer we long for the rest of the year but at the same time not have to swim in conflicts throughout the holiday ..?


What is a conflict? At a quick googling, Wikipedia says: “Conflict involves a meeting between things that are not compatible. The word conflict comes from itLatin the wordconflictus meaning clashes, to collide, happen in battle.” 

But wills, feelings and opinions are (and should be!) Different. That is, automatically incompatible? Thus, in a family, conflicts are quite inevitable.

In other words, how we handle them and how they affect us and family dynamics is what we should focus on. Not to dream of a conflict -free life without trouble in the family.

Further search says that we can actually plan for how to take the conflicts this summer. Many psychologists write that we should have a plan. On the one hand, we should talk to each other before the holidays. Of course, this is easier the older the children are. Talk about expectations and ride out how you all look at the leave. Maybe someone wants to be on adventure every other day and another is happy with a book in a hammock. Add x number of emotions and wills in that equation and the conflict is a fact.

Surely it is easy to take for the fact that everyone else also wants fun and a lot of action the whole leave if you are such? Hammus maybe I couldn't have managed for five minutes ...

Thus, talk about expectations and try to respect the wishes of the others. Sometimes we have to meet in the middle and sometimes we can split. That everyone should like everything at the same time will not happen.


Plan for brawls in the family


Planning for the unexpected and having backup plans can also be a good idea. Rent a small cottage with outdoor oasis can be super lovely if the sun is shining and all that belonging to our dear picture of what a holiday should look like. But if it is ten degrees and rain all the time, it probably requires something else of the adults. It may be bedded for conflicts to sit indoors, type on each other, at 30 square meters for four weeks. It may also be the best thing ever, but a plan may be required. (We are many who are "good" at falling into situations and in small panic having to reorganize the whole situation - it is not recommended..trot that it can be fun too ... including).


Maybe we should also think a little about in as we live today - where everyone in the family does things in different places, sometimes most of the day, it becomes a huge change to suddenly be all under the same roof, most of the day ( As there are too many during the summer). To think that it should pass friction -free feels a little crazy. It can be good (for some) to break that cohabitation every now and then. Do not get stuck completely in the fact that in the family you have to sit together suddenly, from perhaps hardly seen. Review your needs and take it based on it. I am pretty sure that most families include members with both more and less social needs. Do not assume that everyone wants and needs the same.


Making visible to oneself can also be a good idea. Are we always aware of our own expectations or do they just keep up with? I think many of us place unconscious demands on both ourselves and our children. We associate "requirements" with something hard and strict at the same time as we see ourselves as so open and permissive. But demands I think can come in many different forms! That the children suddenly have forgotten what a screen is and be satisfied with the small, is also requirements, based on what we live in. That everyone just should scrap around and be generally harmonious is the requirements. Cooking lovely ("simple") summer food every day is requirements. And if we do not meet the requirements, we will be disappointed. It looks so easy in mind. The demanding life we ​​expect from the holiday contains surprisingly many requirements, I think…


Planning, lowered ribs and understanding of others' (and their own!) Needs are the key words I find when I seek the solution to a holiday with fewer conflicts. But of course it is easy to be both an appraisal and a long time .. To talk, however, I think almost never can be wrong. There will be trouble in the family. In that minitorpet without a toilet, with rain every day and a thousand missing baths - create a little more understanding for each other and take this opportunity to practice recognizing and telling us about things that feel. Ours emotional card Is the finest help on the pile if you ask us (and thousands of families!)