Be happy!

Be happy!

Now we should be happy!

Do you recognize it? A quick (albeit a bit strained..) exclamation from a probably often well-meaning adult who somehow can't handle everyone's different feelings and demands anymore. An excursion is planned and THAT WOULD BE FUN!!! (Most of us may recognize it both from the child's perspective, i.e. our own childhood and from ourselves as adults - we've probably stood there at some point and just felt "Gaaaah! Be happy now because i……!")

And no, this particular example is perhaps not so dangerous. This does not mean that we are not empathetic, accepting and listening to our children's feelings otherwise. The children will probably not suppress their feelings in life based solely on the fact that an adult sometimes does not fix a thousand wishes, wishes and feelings at the same time when something they have spent time planning turns into chaos.

But if we only use the above small example as a starting point - it is interesting to think about our need to connect events with a specific feeling. When we actually know it's more multi-faceted than that. For example, most people don't describe sadness as ONLY extremely sad feelings 24/7. But more like shades of lots of different emotions (many of them, of course, very heavy). Having children is strongly connected with "hurrah this was the best in life and now we are in a happy-happy-bubble for at least a year" feelings. (Rarely an exact reality huh..?) A move we've longed for can at the same time create a lot of sadness - we're saying goodbye to something. Not even necessarily something good - but a part of life that mattered.

The only thing I really want to say is: strong feelings rarely come by themselves. Strong joy often goes hand in hand with, for example, sadness/melancholy/etc.. Life consists of nuances and there we can probably all think a little about stopping expecting what others should feel.