Jessica Hallbäck is an artist, graphic designer, journalist (and more!) And mother of four children at 2, 3, 13 and 16. Soon the children will be five and I got a chat with Jessica about parenting, to be a good role model and to talk Feelings with the children. Jessica is for me a fantastic parental model that has gone her own way and is keen to give their own children strength to do the same.
"It has not always been easy to get ahead and not do like everyone else .. not be employed and sit at a desk. I have had a very difficult time. Take my own ways in it and dare to believe that it goes, so that You don't have to do like everyone else to be there. ”
Hi Jessica! Your account on Instagram is so damn nice and inspiring! You seem to have it so cozy. You have four children and one in your stomach! The youngest are quite small yet, but do you talk a lot of feelings at home?
Yes we talk a lot of emotions. I remember when my oldest ones were small, when you started talking about emotions ... that they should know that it is not always just a feeling but there are always more emotions, such things. That you know more things at the same time - you are not only sad, but maybe sad and angry or sad and disappointed. I have worked a lot and still do. We talk quite a lot of emotions and about what it is like. My partner and I sometimes have a few different settings. I might be a little too much type "Oh you are sorry!" But you should not always confirm every single feeling..so they get attention by showing strong emotions .. We discuss it quite a lot, and have tried to meet each other in how to deal with ..
Find a balancing act there…
Yes but right! It was fun, I actually talked to a therapist about how to behave..I think as soon as the children show the smallest, maybe have hit my arm somewhere .. "Oh yeah how did it go?" And my partner doesn't think you should give so much attention to everything that happens. Then the therapist said we need to find some kind of intermediate way because it is not good to reinforce all the emotions all the time, while at the same time confirming.
Yes it can really be difficult! Also a little depending on what you carry with you from home and all that ..
Yes but really, it is very difficult! How to manage your feelings yourself and have learned to handle emotions etc, so it is complex!
You have children of very different ages, have the way you talk about emotions (preschool, school, society at large) changed since the older ones were small, do you think?
Yes it feels like it started to bubble a bit when my big ones were little. That some books started to come on the subject and such. I don't have a great look at what it looked like before the kids came, but it felt like it was a bit new then .. And it talks more and more about it. Even mental illness, that it is related to it. Getting to know yourself. Mental health needs much more resources! It should be included in the educational education for teachers, etc. about mental health and how to deal with different types of people. There is much left to do. But talking emotions at home is a good way to the road!
Yes indeed! I understand that you use the emotional cards at home?
Yes, the little ones are so small but they walk around with the cards all the time and my teens think it is great fun to talk to the toddlers about emotions, to read on the emotional cards!
Oh how nice! That they are communicating with the little ones with the help of the emotional cards!
Yes it will be a bit like a game of it too! "How do you look when you're angry?" Or "How do you look when you are sad?"
Why do you think it is important to talk about emotions with the children?
I think it's about getting to know yourself and one's emotional life and being able to put words into what you feel is important for the feeling.
You are expecting children, do you talk about the children's feelings about it, to have a new sibling?
The youngest understands nothing about it..haha but with the three -year -old we talk a little about it, although it is a little too abstract. We talk about longing and I think there will probably be a lot of emotions when the baby has come and then we will talk, because there will probably be a lot of emotion!
How do you think that as a parent can be a good role model for their children?
I have had so much talk now with elders about high school choices and to choose from yourself or from others and that you should be confident with yourself and trust in yourself - on their own feelings ..
It must be so difficult, the older they get, that ..
Yes very difficult.
Yes it really is to be a good role model, to stand for it when it may feel like the whole world is screaming something else ..
Just. I feel like this, I have gone my own way myself and it has not always been easy but then you do not do violence against yourself anyway.
I think that much of your experiences, what you have done as an artist and other, you take with you in your parenting, to stand up for what you believe in! Speaking of being a good role model.
Yes I do. It has not always been easy to get ahead and not do like everyone else .. not be employed and sit at a desk. I've had a lot of trouble for that. Take your own ways in it and dare to believe that it is possible, so that you do not have to do like everyone else to be there. And then I think that if I am such a person then I probably have children who are drawn in that direction too so they may get a little lead in that it is okay not to go a nail -biting path. Even if they only "mom can only have a regular job!" Lol
Has your view of parenting changed since you had a child yourself?
Yes, it is the classic, how you think you should not give sugar, not put a screen in front of the nose and such things. So you do it anyway. Now it was so long since I had the first child, but I had 100% more upset thoughts on what it would be like to be a parent than it has become. So that has changed, I think. It's so fun, because my first two children are with another dad, and my partner, ie the father of the younger ones did not have children before. So I got to experience his thoughts on having children and then see how it became for him. It was very funny how it also changed ..
Haha yes, how it wasn't quite as he thought maybe ..
No exactly, in his head we would be much more strict with sweets for example, or with routines. Now we still have quite a lot, he likes routines, but yes, it was a bit fun to see anyway ..
Yes, most people probably experience that when they have children. Life happens at the same time, which you were not included in the calculation ..
Yes, the hours of the day are limited.
Do you experience any unexpected feelings as a parent?
After all, it is overwhelming how much you are prepared to protect your children. That the mother instinct is crazy!
Hard question maybe, but what kind of parent are you? How do you see yourself as a parent?
My big children have always said that I am not like any other parents. I have been one who has brought my children on everything and still do. I try to think that they are part of my life, that you continue. But then you become more and more limited the more children and it becomes more difficult to bring them on things.
I'm probably a pretty relaxed parent, that I take it as it comes. The children are part of life! I don't make such a big deal because I'm a parent I think.
Thank you Jessica for a nice conversation!
Jessica's Instagram: Home hosjessica hallback
Jessica's website: jessicahalback.se