By Ida Welbourn
Creating moments for conversations is as much about you as an adult as the child. If you as an adult are stressed, divided or tired, the child will notice it. Sometimes we need to be able to "divide the sea" to give room for a moment's presence, which is the child's primary condition.
It is good to create context, perhaps routines for natural conversational spaces; At the dining table, on the bedside or at other recurring moments when nothing else is packed on the attention.
"Talking to your child" should not mean a thing on the "to-do list" or to put pressure on himself, without involving the child in your own chores. This becomes a natural entrance to common focus from which a conversation can develop. For example, when cooking, the child may be allowed to rinse vegetables or the like and then a conversation about, for example, the food in school, how carrots grow in the soil, can grow, what grandmother used to cook or what the child herself gets for questions or thoughts in the meantime. To tell something about himself to the child who makes the child feel involved in your life, to find common things you like or have been involved in becomes a valuable exchange that strengthens the relationship.
Good times for you and your child or teen to both listen and tell:
Meals: Can be a good time to talk because everyone is gathered and relaxed. You can ask your child about their day and share your own experiences.
Boots: When your child is relaxed, it may be a good opportunity to talk about their day or something that worries them. It can also help them relax and feel safe.
Car Travel: When you sit in the car there is an opportunity to talk relaxed. With teenagers it can be good because you sit next to each other, which is usually perceived as less demanding than to sit opposite each other.
Activities: Doing something together, cleaning, cooking or playing games can give you both a chance to talk and have fun.
Tips for getting your child's or your teen's attention:
Eye contact: When talking to your child, try to make eye contact. It shows that you are interested in what they have to say.
Listen actively: When your child talks, try to listen actively by asking questions and repeating what they say, it shows that you are committed.
Show interest: Show interest in what your child tells us by asking questions and commenting, it shows that you are present.
Be patient: Give your child time to think and answer questions. Be patient and avoid canceling them as they speak.
Avoid distractions: Try to avoid distractions such as mobile phones or TV while talking. It is important that your child feels that it has your full attention.